Sit down, boys. It's time to carve up the turkey!

Iraq today became the new pin-up girl of rampant global capitalists. The Bush-appointed Ruler Of Iraq, Paul Bremer, signed into law (ha!) sweeping reforms that will allow foreigners to take complete control of key Iraqi enterprises. According to Australia's ABC, the reforms will allow unlimited foreign investment in all areas except oil and other natural resources. There will be no screening of investors and they will be able to immediately transfer any profits abroad. The plan was unveiled in Dubai at a meeting of the International Monetary Fund. The reforms will also allow foreign banks to buy Iraqi financial institutions.

There's no need to justify any of this - it's called Privatisation and it has been providing billions of dollars for shareholders and CEO's around the world since long before Thatcher came to power. But wait, there's more! From January, the top tax rate in Iraq will be an incredible 15% - come in spinner! And there will be a 5 percent "reconstruction surcharge" on all imported goods, except humanitarian goods.

Great times! But back in Washington, Dubya and his hoodlums are not in the best position to enjoy the fruits of their labour. The growing prospect of losing the next election seems to be forcing them into a major, yet highly reluctant, re-think. The neo-con liars are realising that their pants really ARE on fire, and Bush's unseen boss, Karl Rove, is sending them to the basement to cool off for a few months.

Rove has also rewarded Murdoch's Fox News network ("and the award for slavish subservience goes to...") by offering them an exclusive 30-minute interview with El Busho himself, plus a 20-minute on-camera tour. Bush is gearing up for his big speech to the UN, hoping for something that will make the worm turn. Even though those dang furrinners are still being snooty, Bush and Rove hope the US public remains as ignorant as ever. Focus on the voters, hombre!

Responding to comments by Senator Edward Kennedy, who recently suggested that world leaders are being "bribed" to support the Iraq quagmire, Bush belied his limited intelligence with a moment of subliminal rhetoric:

"Senator Kennedy, who I respect, and with whom I have worked, should not have said we were trying to bribe foreign nations. I don't think we're serving our nation well by allowing the discourse to become so uncivil that people, say, use words that they shouldn't be using."

Cough! Cough! Splutter!

But what the hell. The day is short. While we control the world, we might as well rape and plunder it. Business as usual on Capitol Hill, boys:

1. Emails and internal government documents obtained by The Observer show that White House officials have undermined their own government scientists' research into climate change. In an attempt to play down the impact of global warming, officials have sought to edit or remove research warning that the problem is serious. Remember, if anyone asks, this has NOTHING to do with our beloved President's links to the oil industry.

2. Those pesky Yurpeeans want to reverse the burden of proof in the US-dominated chemical industry. They want manufacturers to provide evidence of the hazards of the products they sell, rather than selling them and then waiting for governments (prompted by sick consumers) to outlaw dangerous ones after they have already done harm. Bush is mounting an intensive campaign to force European countries to drop these safety tests, which are designed to identify cancer-causing and "gender-bender" substances and are expected to save thousands of lives each year. Internal US government documents, seen by the Independent on Sunday, reveal that Bush administration officials including Colin Powell have threatened Europe with trade sanctions if they go ahead with the tests.