Ted Rall in top form:
"As He was later walking through the grounds of his whites-only country club, behold, there was an African groundskeeper suffering from AIDS. When he saw Republican Jesus, he fell down and begged Him, saying, 'Lord, if you want to, you can cure my affliction.' Cannily recoiling to avoid infection, Republican Jesus directed the man to a website that pledged millions of dollars to fight AIDS in Africa. 'You took that money away from AIDS spending here,' the diseased man tried to point out, but the official chroniclers deemed his comment uninteresting and unworthy of investigation. And so it never occurred."