Bush Admits It: "I Am A Miserable Failure"

What else to make of this pathetic excuse for a State Of The Union speech? At a time when the whole world faces serious global threats, Bush comes up with nothing.

This stupid little man was never suited to become president, and his whole agenda for the last five years has been a sick joke, a hypocritical facade build on spin, and a cruel hoax on any dumb fool who ever voted for him. Maybe Bush once believed the crap his handlers told him. But now, as the NYT puts it, Bush's bold visions have given way to global and political realities. As Gomer Pyle would say, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!"

Here's my translation from BushSquawk into reality...

BUSH:

"Our differences cannot be allowed to harden into anger."

Translation:

"Dont blame me! It's a bipartisan scandal, I tell ya...!"

BUSH:

"Abroad, our nation is committed to an historic, long-term goal -- we seek the end of tyranny in our world."

Translation:

"Forget WMDs, forget terrorism, forget about bringing Democracy and Freedom to Iraq, or even the whole Middle East! Now the definition is... even broader!"

BUSH:

"On September the 11th, 2001, we found that problems originating in a failed and oppressive state 7,000 miles away could bring murder and destruction to our country."

Translation:

"Saddam was behind 9/11!... I tell ya!"

BUSH:

"No one can deny the success of freedom, but some men rage and fight against it."

Translation:

"Globalized corporate Fascsim rules. Get used to it."

BUSH:

"We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it." (Applause.)

Translation:

"BWAAAAAHHHH HAH HAHHA HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!"

BUSH:

"We are the nation that saved liberty in Europe, and liberated death camps, and helped raise up democracies, and faced down an evil empire."

Translation:

"We ignored that whole Nazi problem as long as we could, then we went and dragged their sorry Nazi asses back to Washington. Don't worry, Grandpa Bush's millions were not wasted! We have now refined the process... Zig Heil!!!"

BUSH:

"We have killed or captured many of their leaders -- and for the others, their day will come."

Translation:

"OK we have NO FRICKIN' IDEA where Bin Laden and the other guy are! Anyone got some information...? Come on, I'm supposed to be the frikkin' LEADER! I need the frikkin' information!!!"

BUSH:

"We remain on the offensive in Afghanistan, where a fine President and a National Assembly are fighting terror while building the institutions of a new democracy."

Translation:

"Yeah, those Taliban have come back strong, haven't they? Who woulda thought...!!!"

BUSH:

"We're on the offensive in Iraq, with a clear plan for victory."

Translation:

"We are taking over the whole frikkin' country whether they like it or not. US Bases! Whooo-hoo! Watch me dance...!"

BUSH:

"Iraqis are showing their courage every day, and we are proud to be their allies in the cause of freedom." (Applause.)

Translation:

"Iraqis are showing their courage every day, and we are proud to be their allies in the cause of freedom. (Laughter.)"

BUSH:

"In less than three years, the nation [of Iraq] has gone from dictatorship to liberation, to sovereignty, to a constitution, to national elections."

Translation:

"Seriously, who knows what the f*ck is going on over there?Anyone...?"

BUSH:

"Fellow citizens, we are in this fight to win, and we are winning."

Translation:

"Oh God, I am in deep shit, aren't I?"

BUSH:

"The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home."

Translation:

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road. Follow, follow, follow, follow..."

BUSH:

"Our coalition has learned from our experience in Iraq."

Translation:

"Our coalition partners have all gone home."

BUSH:

"... those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C."

Translation:

"Don't blame me!!!"

BUSH:

"We've adjusted our military tactics and changed our approach to reconstruction."

Translation:

"We are now using aerial drones that blow up civilians and houses... again. "

BUSH:

"Along the way, we have benefitted from responsible criticism and counsel offered by members of Congress of both parties."

Translation:

"It was bipartisan, I tell ya! ... OK, we were wrong. I admit it. OK?"

BUSH:

"In the coming year, I will continue to reach out and seek your good advice."

Translation:

"I will - (cough) bull - (cough) shit - (cough)!"

BUSH:

"There is a difference between responsible criticism that aims for success, and defeatism that refuses to acknowledge anything but failure."

Translation:

"Anyone who criticizes me is a traitor!!!"

BUSH:

"Hindsight alone is not wisdom, and second-guessing is not a strategy."

Translation:

"I WAS WRONG!!! OK???!?!?! STOP RUBBING IT IN!!!"

BUSH:

"A sudden withdrawal of our forces from Iraq would abandon our Iraqi allies to death and prison, would put men like bin Laden and Zarqawi in charge of a strategic country, and show that a pledge from America means little. Members of Congress, however we feel about the decisions and debates of the past, our nation has only one option..."

Translation:

"If we pull out now, they will slaughter the collaborators. I have led you all up a dark alleyway and now there is no choice but to bend over and take it up the ass."

BUSH:

"We must keep our word, defeat our enemies, and stand behind the American military in this vital mission."

Translation:

"Help me. Please... Mommy?"

BUSH:

"Our men and women in uniform are making sacrifices -- and showing a sense of duty stronger than all fear."

Translation:

"They are idiots."

BUSH:

"...as we honor our brave troops, let us never forget the sacrifices of America's military families."

Translation:

"Is Cindy Sheehan in the house? Cindy? ..."

OK that's enough, and I am not even a quarter way through the speech. This shit is just too easy...

Basically, today, the State Of The Union is:

WE ARE FUCKED.